Desert mantis shadows Fragment 73
In the desert I am lost. I move through somatic layers and mind forms. I suffer. While in the desert night I am visited, haunted, pierced by grief, rage, sorrow, fear, despair. She is gone. What did she leave in her wake? There is no love here. I relieve the blows of my father who beat me unconscious when I was five. It was one of those belts that were used to bind baggage in the old days. Thick hard leather. The pain buried deep in my cells. The message created was not to be who I am. "You can not love. You can not express yourself." So I got used to repressing or not saying fully what I needed for fear of extreme pain. Sometimes when in love I would contract so tightly for fear of abandonment and pain. I knew the other was out to hurt me. Did I ever tell you guys about the time I saw my dad try to kill my mother. I was 8 or so. He was choking her and I could not do anything about it. I wanted to jump him and defend her. I was getting ready to leap when the maid grabbed me a