Postcards from the Cure Machine (2)

 

 

Postcards from the Cure Machine (2)

1. This is a "radiation dieta."  Yes, this is a "radiation dieta."  That is what this is.

2. At the waiting area for Kali therapy ( the young therapists conceded to my suggestion to name the Linear accelerator machine after the Goddess, can you believe it?) we applaud, cheer, as one of us has rung the bell at the reception desk meaning their treatment is over.The staff, friends and family holler up. I look over at Michelle who is with me this day as she tears up hearing the initiate praise and give thanks to Jesus and I, have tears running down my face behind my covid mask.  

3. "Improvise, adapt, overcome," the gracious gentleman from the West Coast transmits to me his motto.  He had been in remission for years but now Mistletoe Therapy is his last chance and last stand to live just a little longer. I am remembering him as I await my turn for another dose of the ionized green beam. It was a few months back when We met at one of the few places in the States that offers Mistletoe Cancer Therapy. He told me his journey as we sat in the waiting area. His is an odyssey filled with the support of his wife and children, multiple interventions and his affirmation of victory throughout the 15 something years of assimilating his situation. "Improvise, adapt, overcome." I, too, shared parts of my story but mainly listened. After I picked up my supply of Quercus, Helleborus, and Solum Aesculus body oil we parted ways, both of us knowing about a secret gift cancer can bring by the right yielding to death.

4. I leave the Radiation Chamber (Kali's cave), after all, the floor where treatment is held, is the subterranean part of the Winship Institute called the Tunnel,

and right away I see a young black man sitting upon a gurney as I head back to the waiting area.  The hallway is empty. He  has beautiful mocha skin and what we used to call a "Fro".  But his eyes are wide shut and his tongue is swollen red and curled sticking out of his mouth.  I am not sure I was supposed to see this.  I keep walking, astonished at his condition. I could not pick up any signal from his forehead. His stillness was absolute. His mother was on a chair behind him, her eyes shattered. She reminded me of my own mother. My mother's honey brown eyes were also shattered but had another kind of irrevocable  soul decimation as she bedridden grieved my brother's death from prostate cancer just a few hours before I stepped into her room..

This is a "radiation dieta."  This is  a " radiation dieta."  Yes, this is what this is.

5. The effects of the radiation are cumulative and now have psychoactive properties and disfigure me somatically.  Because these procedures are so invasive, past physical violence I experienced becomes part of my psychic phantasmagoria as i lay in bed. Yet, simultaneously, I experience the past trauma, the present one as well, with another perspective within myself. A location/perspective generated through the use of plant medicines, ritual, music, community. A deeper perspective and existential site. Unencumbered. Who is this Other witnessing multiple perspectives as my bones ache in pain, my stomach shot to smithereens? I think of my dad and what a fool he was to abuse me as a child. What a waste of love as a tear rolls down my face.

6.In one dream that followed, I am together with all great aunts, uncles, grandparents, and family members from long ago it seemed. Some, I had never met! We are gathering just to be with one another by the ocean, innocent, mischievous. The vibe is luminous, warm, soothing, safe. There are so many of us. We are natural. Assured.  For a few seconds (?)  I thought I had a stroke and died during my sleep.  Was this some lovely shamanic buddha realm I am gonna dwell for a cosmic bit? Were they protectors and guardian spirits?

This is the radiation dieta.

7. I am being driven back to my house by my friend, Ralph, in his Mazda convertible, top down, through the side streets of Atlanta after my 14th dosing. Spring is teasing us with assorted bird songs, soft sunshine passing through clouds, and scattered blooms about the winding road.

It's a radiation dieta. Its radiation dieta, too. When I got to my house, a paperback edition of the Radiance Sutras arrived.

 

Alberto